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Titles Are Punny

You can’t label me, bro.

If I hadn’t been so lazy this week (the heat, I blame the heat) my recent achievements would have seemed a little more impressive since I did all of this in a single week.  But folks, these are the cards I’ve been dealt and will therefore shuffle them in my hand and try to slap on my poker face.

My p-p-p-p-poker face.

The week was all about titles.  Titles are always a fun little way to change things on your character.  I managed to pick up three of them in a little over a week.


I can be Extremis…ly patient.

The first title <Name> “the Patient” was one I wasn’t even consciously trying to get.  I was running an endless stream of Hour of Twilight PUGs, and just got the title.  It was a side-effect of running too many PUGs, but unlike lowered self-esteem and hemorrhoids this was actually a side-effect worth getting.


Taking fashion to the Extremis.

The “Flame Warden” title wasn’t hard to get.  If you can put in the time, you can get this title.  I mean, completing the Midsummer Fire Festival isn’t all that tough to do.  As long as you can find enough fires to Honor or Desecrate, Flame Warden is one of the easier titles to grab.  I still say the title should be <Name> “Pees on Fires”, but that’s why I’m not working for Blizzard.  Well, that and the restraining order, but I’m legally prohibited from discussing the issue.


I am Extremis-ly proud of this title.


Getting the title <Name> “of the Shattered Sun” was a multi-stage process.  First, you need to have Exalted status with the Shattered Sun Offensive.  There’s two ways to get there – either run dailies on the Isle of Quel’Danas, or run Magisters’ Terrace, like, a whole lot.  I went with Plan B for a few reasons:

  • There was no limit on how often I could run it every day.  I would still get decent rep by running Regular versions of the instance, so I’d start with a Heroic and then switch to Regular until I was bored.
  • I was getting Faction rep through tabards.  In fact, Boss kills were giving me more rep (while wearing the appropriate tabard) than I was getting with the Shattered Sun Offensive.  I managed to get Exalted with Gilneas, Ironforge, and Gnomeregan while grinding SSO rep.  It’s always nice when you can get two things done at the same time.
  • Transmog Gear was plentiful.  I picked up the Sun-Forged Cleaver for myself, and farmed a great deal of greens that sold quite nicely on the Auction House.  If you have to grind rep, you might as well make some gold at the same time.
  • Sweet Chicken Mount.  There’s a 4% drop rate on the Swift White Hawkstrider, obtainable only in Heroic mode.  I managed to pick up this bird on my last Heroic run.

Ohhhh, what have we here?

Achievement unlocked! Another mount I will never use!

My one-eyed Willy looks on in disgust. No, not that one.  I’m talking about the pet. Pervs.

Congrats on Exalted with SSO.  Now you just have to get a single quest where the dude rubs his hand across his palm and says “Can u spare gold plz?  For the cause, dude.”

One.  Thousand.  Gold.

Are you shitting me? I’ve paid less for epic fucking mounts!  When Quel’Danas was considered “end game” back in the Burning Crusade days, beggers would spout mighty dirty erections whenever they saw someone with the “of the Shattered Sun” title.  It meant that person had waaaay too much gold, and had no problem throwing it away.

Which reminds me – I am now broke.  Maybe I’ll run MT one more time for some sweet Transmog gear.

WoW Non-Account Wide Mounts

In the upcoming WoW expansion, Mists of Pandaria,  Blizzard has taken on the role of your parents and will be making you share with your siblings.  Only in this case, your siblings happen to be all the characters in your account.

Yes, even the Gnome you don’t admit you play.  You cannot hide your shame from Blizzard.

Everything will be shared account-wide.  Things like Achievements and Non-Combat Pets, very little will be out of bounds.

Even mounts? 

Yes, even mounts.  Well, except for these ones:

Acherus Deathcharger
Argent Charger
Argent Warhorse
Azure Cloud Serpent
Cataclysmic Gladiator’s Twilight Drake
Crimson Cloud Serpent
Dawnstone Panther
Deadly Gladiator’s Frost Wyrm
Emerald Panther
Furious Gladiator’s Frost Wyrm
Goblin Mini Hotrod
Golden Cloud Serpent
Grand Expedition Yak
Grand Ice Mammoth
Ice Mammoth
Jade Cloud Serpent
Jeweled Onyx Panther
Mekgineer’s Chopper
Onyx Cloud Serpent
Relentless Gladiator’s Frost Wyrm
Ruby Panther
Ruthless Gladiator’s Twilight Drake
Sandstone Drake
Sapphire Panther
Subdued Seahorse
Summon Charger
Summon Exarch’s Elekk
Summon Great Exarch’s Elekk
Summon Great Sunwalker Kodo
Summon Sunwalker Kodo
Summon Thalassian Charger
Summon Thalassian Warhorse
Summon Warhorse
Swift Mooncloth Carpet
Swift Shadoweave Carpet
Swift Spellfire Carpet
Traveler’s Tundra Mammoth
Vicious Gladiator’s Twilight Drake
Winged Steed of the Ebon Blade
Wrathful Gladiator’s Frost Wyrm

Big Daddy Blizz does not want you sharing class mounts (Felsteed), profession mounts (the engineer’s motorcycles), Feats of Strength mounts (like the Twilight Drake), or money-sinks in general (Tundra Mammoth, I’m looking at you).

So, just like your parents, Blizz is picking a favorite child and letting them keep their own goodies.

Let the daddy issues begin.

And you know how Daddy issues end up.

WoW Achievement – To Honor One’s Elders

The title “Elder” is appropriate for this World Event achievement, because you sure feel old by the time you’re done with it.

Okay, maybe this isn’t the most difficult meta-achievement to get.  Really, it’s alot like the Midsummer Fire Festival in that you have to fly all over the damn place to honor/worship/pee on things (desecrating flames, not Elders.  Don’t pee on your Elders kids.)  But unlike the Midsummer Fire Festival, you have to fly ALL OVER THE WORLD!  Sure, you don’t have to go to Outlands like you did in MFF.  But Outlands counted for only fourteen flames you had to visit, and you didn’t have to go to Northrend or the Cataclysm zones to get the meta-achievement.   Plus, those flames were just sitting out in the open.  The Lunar Festival had Elders hiding in THIRTEEN DIFFERENT DUNGEONS!  I MEAN WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN THERE?!

But I digress.

The criteria needed to complete the meta-achievement for the Lunar Festival is to gain the following achievements:

Elders of Cataclysm
Elders of Kalimdor
Elders of the Horde
Elders of Northrend
Lunar Festival Finery
Frenzied Firecracker
Elders of Eastern Kingdoms
Elders of the Dungeons
Elders of the Alliance
50 Coins of Ancestry
The Rocket’s Red Glare
Elune’s Blessing

As I said, the meta wasn’t overly difficult to get.  It started off easy enough; like any good party you have to set off explosives.  In this case, you have to show the Elders some love by blowing shit up with Frenzied Firecrackers and The Rocket’s Red Glare.

I love you Grandma!

With that out of the way, it’s time to grab some Preparation H, find a comfy saddle for your flying mount, and get to flapping.  Like I said before, you don’t have to go to Outland.  But since it probably take less time to fly across that than it does to clear Northrend from end to end, you might wish you had.

I was starting from Orgrimmar, but since it’s always easier to come home than it is to leave home (no, 30-year olds still living in your parent’s basement, this does not excuse you) I crossed the ocean and started off by visiting all the Elders of Eastern Kingdoms.  I also popped in on Elder Darkcore in Undercity for the Elders of the Horde achievement.  This also let me get most of the dirty business done by visiting two of the three Elders of the Alliance.  Stormwind was easy since the Elder was chillaxing outside the gate.  But I guess Elder Bronzebeard in Ironforge thought he was in a mall and just started wandering around to the back of the place.

Dwarves kill me every time, and not in the “ha ha” kind of way.

After working my way down to Booty Bay, I hopped the boat and crossed the sea once again.  The hemorrhoids were still tolerable so I went south to north and visited all the Elders of Kalimdor, including Elder Bladeswift in Darnassus to finish off the Elders of the Alliance achievement as well.  I also stopped in Thunder Bluff and wrapped up the Elders of the Horde achievement by sharing cookies and blood tea with Elder Darkhorn in Orgrimmar.

That, my friends, is a shitload of flying around.  Consulting my checklist left me with a sensation of being kicked in the balls by a Tauren.

Elders of Cataclysm
Elders of Kalimdor
Elders of the Horde
Elders of Northrend
Lunar Festival Finery
Frenzied Firecracker
Elders of Eastern Kingdoms
Elders of the Dungeons
Elders of the Alliance
50 Coins of Ancestry (I got this at some point.  It was all just a blur.)
The Rocket’s Red Glare
Elune’s Blessing

I should have felt better about everything I’d accomplished.  But I still had to cross the Great White North to visit the Elders of Northrend, and then go back and visit all the Elders who’d decided it was a great idea to wander into the dungeons of Northrend, Kalimdor, and Eastern Kingdoms.  And they didn’t just step in and wait by the front door.  Oh no, they got their mall walking shoes on and MADE TRACKS!  Some of them stopped a third of the way in.  Most decided that halfway was good enough.  A few took their vitamins with their Geritol and hauled ass to the deepest part of the dungeon.  THIS IS WHY WE DON’T COME TO VISIT YOU, ELDERS OF THE DUNGEONS!

Don’t judge me!

At 85, the dungeons were easy enough to handle solo.  Like I said, it’s not difficult.  It’s just tedious and time-consuming.  The Elders of Cataclysm achievement was a snap once I was back in Orgrimmar, and with a sack of coins I went back to Moonhold and got my hands on a nice black pants suit to fulfill the Lunar Festival Finery achievement.

Elders of Cataclysm
Elders of Kalimdor
Elders of the Horde
Elders of Northrend
Lunar Festival Finery
Frenzied Firecracker
Elders of Eastern Kingdoms
Elders of the Dungeons
Elders of the Alliance
50 Coins of Ancestry
The Rocket’s Red Glare
Elune’s Blessing

Aside from a couple of dungeons, that only left Omen left to visit.

Nice Doggy!

Omen is a pain in the ass, but not a terrible one.  He doesn’t insta-regen like most mobs do once he kills you.  Technically you could solo him if you kept throwing yourself at him, burning him down a piece at a time before he killed you.  Luckily there’s a Spirit Healer nearby so you’re always quick to your corpse.  It doesn’t matter who kills him, though.  When he dies, a beam of light emerges from his corpse.  Just stand in it and you’re credited with the kill to receive Elune’s Blessing.  It’s like bathing in the blood of your fallen enemy, but cleaner and less creepy.

Always a nice option for face painting, too.

So after handing in Omen’s quest,  I ran through my final dungeons and got the double big payoff:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some senior’s discounts I’m hoping to cash in on.

Ask Jeeves – Titles

Ask Jeeves

This week, the topic of Ask Jeeves had to do with titles.  A great number of them can be a pain in the ass to get.  Usually there’s two bottlenecks involved with getting a title:

1) Random Item:  Be it a mask, a pet, or a piece of candy, we are often cockblocked because we need some random item to be in the bag or boss.    World Events were terrible for this.  You could go the entire duration of the event, checking every hour or day for your drop, and not get it.  People protested this RNG victimization on the WoW forum boards and had certain achievements removed from Title prerequisites.

2) PVP:  Title achievements that involve PVP suck for everybody.  If you`re a PVP player, you have to deal with rookies who are in there not to achieve the battleground objective, but to do something stupid while dressed stupid or after eating something stupid.  If you`re the kind of person who never does any kind of PVP (Goldshire Inn sexiness doesn`t count), stepping into a battleground just to get the Title achievement is like putting on a pork chop bathing suit and hopping into the shark tank for a nice leisurely swim.  You`re going to end up as partially digested shark poop.

With that in mind, we knocked off a few Titles that casual folks can get without the frustration of the RNG beast, or without becoming shark poop.  `Cause nobody likes being turned into poop, shark or otherwise.

  • The Ambassador title: Earn exalted status with all six Horde factions.
  • Argent Tournament:  There`s a number of titles you can get from here.  Earn exalted status with a each faction, as well as the right to champion that city, and you earn the title for that city.  If you earn exalted status with every city, as well as championing each city, AND earn exalted status with the Argent Crusade, you can earn the title of Crusader.
  • The Diplomat: Earn exalted status with Timbermaw Hold, the Mag`har, and the Sporeggar.
  • Shattered Sun: This title is the result of the quest `A Magnanimous Benefactor`.  You hand over 1000g and you get the title.  However, you can`t qualify for this quest until you have exalted status with the Shattered Sun Offensive.  You can get that by running the dailies on the Isle of Quel`Danas (as well as other means.)
  • The Explorer:  Complete the World Explorer achievement to get this title.  A piece of cake with flying mounts.
  • Archaeology Titles:  This kind of flies against the RNG comment I made earlier.  Getting the Assistant Professor title isn`t that difficult because you only need to find one rare artifact.  Finding the ten needed for the Associate Professor title isn`t exactly more difficult, just more time consuming.  There are many artifacts you can prospect up, so it isn`t like you need a specific one.  Still, if you see someone with the Professor title you know they`re hardcore.  Also, a little crazy.
  • Loremaster: Speaking of crazy.  Loremaster is a funny title because everyone started working on it as they quested their way up to the level cap.  I suggest picking up an addon to let you know what quests you missed if you want to tackle this Title achievement.
  • Brewmaster:  A title so cool they named the Monk`s tanking aspect after it.  Race rams, advertise brews, it`s not a hard title to get.
  • Flame Keeper: Another easy title.  Just fly around the world and worship, while peeing on the Alliance`s fires.  That`s the toughest part.

Jeeves I hate you so much.

In case you missed it (and if you did, how did you find me?), you can catch the Ask Jeeves segment on the AIE Podcast episode 85, available for download HERE.

Patch 4.3 – The New Darkmoon Faire

Patch 4.3 is only a few weeks away (doesn’t it seem like I’m always saying this?  Cause it feels like I’m always saying this.)  Another sweet piece coming out with the patch is the new Darkmoon Faire Island.  No, this isn’t a new level in some Super Mario game.  It’s the Darkmoon Faire like you’ve never seen it before (and by that I mean it’s good for something other than the Inscription decks.)  
Basically it breaks down like this:  you play the various carny games and you get tickets.  You then use those tickets to buy vanity pets, vanity mounts, vanity (read: transmogrification) gear, and some heirloom items. 
My thoughts:  people ragged on how Mists of Pandaria is stupid, campy, geared for kids and “those dirty casuals”, yet these same people are going to trip over themselves just so they can play dress up in old raid gear. OMG PRETTY!
Anyhow, it’s a nice diversion and some easy achievement points.